For Who vs. For Whom: The Simple Rule Most People Get Wrong

When I first began writing emails and essays, I often paused at the question of whether to use who or whom, because in real English this can feel confusing, yet learning it boosts your confidence and makes every message more polished and effective.

In real-world writing, placement of who and whom matters. Who flows naturally as the subject of a sentence, while whom usually follows prepositions like for, with, or at. I’ve seen in academic work and presentations that correctly using them shines light on grammar skills, and treating them as tools in a toolbox helps you understand their function and apply the correct version confidently.

Even in formal communication, writers get stuck or mix these pronouns, but a simple memory hack is to think of who as the winner that acts and whom as the receiver of the action. Using examples, test sentences, or emails builds clarity and avoids missteps, so your style shines in every essay, everyday message, and presentation, demonstrating mastery over mechanics, grammar, and communication.

Hook: Why This Confusion Still Trips People Up

You might know who refers to a person and whom refers to an object, but people still hesitate. Why? Because real English doesn’t always follow the rules you learned in school.

Consider:

For who is this package?
vs.
For whom is this package?

Both feel familiar, yet traditional grammar says only one is “correct.” When endings and prepositions get involved, lots of English speakers get stuck. This blog post cuts through the noise and gives you rules that actually work in real writing and speech.

The Short Answer (For Readers in a Hurry)

Let’s be direct:

• Use for whom when the word refers to the object of the preposition for and the sentence is formal.
• Use for who when the word functions as the subject of a clause, especially in informal or conversational English.
• Quick test: If you can replace the word with “him/her,” lean toward whom. If you can replace it with “he/she,” who might be correct.

Still confused? That’s okay — we’ll break this down in detail.

The Core Difference: Subject vs. Object

To understand who vs. for whom, you first have to grasp the difference between a subject and an object in a sentence.

• Subject – the person or thing doing the action
  Example: Who called me?
  (“Who” performs the action)
• Object – the person or thing receiving the action
  Example: I called whom?
  (“Whom” receives the action)

Now let’s put a preposition in the mix.

• A preposition goes before a noun or pronoun.
  Examples: to, for, with, by, about

Whenever whom follows a preposition like for, it’s usually asking about the object of that preposition.

The Preposition Rule That Solves 90% of Cases

Here’s a rule you can really use:

If the word follows a preposition like for, and it refers to the object of that preposition, you should use whom.

That sounds technical, but the idea is simple. In formal English, whom typically comes after a preposition.

Common prepositions include:

• for
• to
• with
• about
• by
• in
• on

Formal Examples

Sentence	Correct Form	Why
Who is the gift for?	for whom	Object of preposition in formal writing
For ___ is the gift intended?	for whom	Whom follows preposition
To ___ should I send this?	to whom	Object of preposition
With ___ are you going?	with whom	Object of preposition

Example usage:

• With whom did you travel?
• For whom is this award?

These follow tradition and sound strong in formal writing.

The Substitution Test That Never Fails

Here’s a simple trick:

Replace the word with he/him (or she/her). If him/her fits, you usually want whom. If he/she fits, then who is likely right.

Try it Yourself

Sentence: For ___ did you buy this?

1. Replace with him: “For him did you buy this?” → awkward
2. Replace with he: “For he did you buy this?” → wrong
   → But if we rephrase: Who did you buy this for? → natural

If the replacement doesn’t sound natural, you may need to rethink the sentence structure instead of forcing whom.

Why “For Who” Sometimes Sounds Right (and Is Correct)

In everyday speech, people often use for who naturally:

• Who is this book for?
• For who are you shopping?

These sentences sound completely normal. Many native speakers don’t switch to whom because it feels stiff or old-fashioned.

Real World Example

📌 “Who is that letter for?”
Instead of “For whom is that letter?” — most adults would choose the first version.

English changes over time. Many grammar guides now accept for who in casual or conversational contexts.

Formal Writing vs. Everyday Conversation

In formal writing — think academic essays, official letters, legal documents — people still expect for whom in many cases. It signals precision and respect for traditional grammar.

But in everyday speech, most educated writers prefer clarity and flow over strict correctness. That’s why for who shows up in:

• Emails
• Text messages
• Blog posts
• Interviews
• Casual conversation

Case Study: Workplace Emails

• Rigid: For whom should we prepare the report?
• Natural: Who should we prepare the report for?

Most readers find the second option clearer and easier to read, even if purists prefer the first.

Common Mistakes Even Good Writers Make

Even experienced writers trip up. Here are mistakes you’ll see often:

❌ Mistakes

• Using whom because it sounds smarter (even when it’s wrong)
• Forcing whom after for when the clause makes who correct
• Ignoring rhythm and flow for grammar’s sake

Example Mistake:

The person for whom the project was easy…
Sounds formal, but in everyday writing, you could say:
The person who found the project easy…

The second feels smoother and focuses on meaning.

Quick Comparison Table (Clear and Practical)

Here’s a quick reference you can use any time:

Structure	Most Natural Form	Reason
Subject after preposition?	who	Used in conversational English
Object after preposition?	whom	More formal and traditional
Casual conversation	for who	Normal, natural
Academic writing	for whom	Traditional correctness
When in doubt	Rephrase	Avoid confusion

Real-World Examples You’ll Actually Use

Let’s walk through real examples where the choice matters.

In Emails

Correct:

Who is the client for this proposal?
Better than: For whom is the client? — which sounds formal and awkward.

In Job Applications

Formal tone works:

For whom should I address the cover letter?
But conversational works too:
Who should I address the cover letter to?

In Questions

When asking directly:

• Who are you shopping for?
• For whom are you shopping?

Both are correct, but the first sounds friendlier.

Modern English Reality Check

Grammar isn’t frozen in time. Writers and editors now value clarity first, rules second.

Today:

• You won’t lose credibility with for who in most contexts.
• In formal settings, for whom still shines.
• In casual settings, for who sounds natural.

The goal always stays the same: communicate clearly and confidently.

Final Rule to Remember (Burn This In)

Here’s your anchor:

When you’re unsure, rewrite the sentence so you avoid the problem altogether.

For example:

❌ For whom are we buying this?
✔ Who are we buying this for?
✔ Who is the recipient of this gift?

If a sentence sounds stiff or forced, change it.

Bonus Tips to Sound Natural and Correct

• Use the who/whom substitution test — it’s simple and effective.
• Favor flow over grammar rules in casual writing.
• Choose traditional forms in formal or professional contexts.
• Don’t fear rephrasing to make your writing clearer.

FAQs About “For Who or For Whom”

Q1: When should I use “who”?

 Use who when the pronoun is the subject of the sentence, meaning it acts rather than receives the action.

Q2: When should I use “whom”?

 Use whom when the pronoun is the object, often following prepositions like for, with, or at, or when it receives the action.

Q3: Can I replace who/whom to check correctness?

 Yes! Replace who with he, she, we, or they, and whom with him, her, us, or them. If the sentence still makes sense, you’re correct.

Q4: Why do people confuse “who” and “whom”?

 Many writers get stuck because the difference is subtle and depends on grammar rules, sentence placement, and context.

Q5: How can I practice using them confidently?

 Create test sentences, review examples, or check emails and essays for practice. Using a toolbox approach makes it easier to understand their function.

Conclusion

Mastering For Who or For Whom is simpler than it seems. Remember, who is the subject, whom is the object, and context matters. By practicing with examples, test sentences, and real messages, you’ll build confidence, clarity, and a polished writing style that shines in essays, presentations, and everyday communication. Treat them as tools in your grammar toolbox, and over time, using them correctly becomes second nature.